A little bit about our journey
For those of you who don't know, Dan and I conceived this past August. We weren't trying at that time but were excited none the less! Unfortunately, things went wrong from the very start! I didn't feel pregnant and had been spotting for a couple of days. I knew that wasn't like my normal cycle, so I took a test. It came back positive and we were really excited! The next morning, I woke up and noticed I was bleeding. This is where I knew things were not good! It was also the first day of teacher planning for the upcoming 2011-2012 school year. It was just horrible getting through that first day with all the worries and fears going through my head. I finally left work hours later and headed to the doctor to see what was up. Dan and I were there for 5 hours!!! After multiple tests and exams done, the doctor looked at me insensitively and said "it looks like you are having a spontaneous abortion"...um what?...excuse me!...I want this baby and will do everything in my power to keep it please don't use the "A" word! I started balling after those words and felt like my world was ending! The doctor just looked at me heartless and walked out of the room. Needless to say, I have a new doctor now. That night I miscarried, it was so painful! Even being so early, it really felt like labor. I was in agony!!!However, in my head I thought there might still be a chance to save my baby and refused to take any medication to ease the pain. I ended up taking 4 baths that night to try to get through it. It was the longest night of my life. I don't want to get too graphic but the process didn't end there and continued until a week later.
It's truly amazing how connected a mother becomes with her baby. Even from day one you're in love! I was so hurt for weeks but over time realized there was a reason for the miscarriage. I had went for blood work to check my thyroids and progesterone to make sure it wasn't my fault and thankfully everything came back good. The doctor said I had a chemical pregnancy and it is actually quite common. She stated about 70% of first time pregnancies go through this without even knowing (since the bleeding starts around the time of the woman's expected period). She said now that pregnancy tests our becoming more sensitive they are finding out more about them.
Looking back now at what happened in August as hurtful as it was, it happened for a reason and made us realize how ready we are to be parents. In September, we decided to officially start trying. I am so thankful that we conceived again and pray that everything goes good with this pregnancy. Again, as scared as I am, I will not let my fears take away my happiness and joy from this pregnancy. Everyday that goes by, I feel more and more in love and pregnant, which I am forever thankful for that! I also promised my baby that I will do everything in me to give it the best home for these next 9 months and return just ask for it to continue growing. I have never wanted to meet someone so bad as I want to me him/her. I can not wait until next August!!!!!!!
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